Should I Save My Marriage Or Move On?
According to the United States Census Bureau, the following shocking divorce statistics:
- In the United States, approximately half of all marriages end in divorce.
- Divorce occurs in 48% of first marriages.
- The divorce rate for second marriages is 60%.
- Seventy-three percent of 3rd marriages end in divorce.
- In America, one divorce occurs every 13 seconds. That equates to 6,636 divorces a day / 46,523 divorces per week.
According to the statistics above, if people fail during their first marriage, they would want to try again, or twice, or even three times. This makes sense because we all need secure attachments.
Nonetheless, despite numerous attempts, the rate of divorce continues to rise, implying that people do not learn how to have good marriages.
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Should I Save My Marriage Or Move On?
Is your marriage so strained that you and your spouse rarely speak to each other? Are there always lots of arguments and total frustration towards each other when you do talk? Should I fight for my marriage or let go? Some of the things that can happen when your marriage fails can make you depressed and want to end it!
However, there are several things to think about before filing for divorce. Do you and your partner have any financial issues? Is there anyone in your family who is seriously ill? This can also put a strain on even the strongest people, and it is not a sign that your marriage is in jeopardy.
The only way to alleviate the stress caused by enormous problems like these is to discuss them. Bring them out into the open, have a thorough discussion about them, and then try to fix them together. Rather than having the burden alone day after day, you can share your problems and help each other this way.
If your marriage is in trouble, it’s really critical that you and your spouse communicate openly. If you’ve been in a very terrible mood lately, or if you’ve been crying over the smallest thing, your partner needs to understand why.
Conversely, if your partner has become increasingly introverted in recent weeks, speak with him to determine the source of the problem. It is pointless to form your own opinion about why your partner feels this way. You could be completely wrong and believe that your marriage is ending when it is not.
But if you have recently learned through the grapevine that your partner has been secretly seeing someone else, this could very well be the moment when your marriage comes to an end.
Cheating is always one of the telltale signs that a marriage is coming to an end. As previously stated, there are numerous factors that may influence your decision to end your marriage. However, if you’ve been together for a long time, it’s worth the time and effort to discuss your problems and, if possible, save your marriage.
If things have been tense between the two of you recently, try to take things one step at a time. Don’t get too caught up in the flaws. You can never be able to tackle the big issues that threaten to destroy your marriage if you become preoccupied with minor things that both of you can’t seem to resolve.
Working Things Out With Your Husband
Should I save my marriage or move on? In this article, I’d like to give you some pointers on how to save your marriage when it seems impossible, and where to start if you want to build a lasting relationship rather than one that is brittle and fragile.
Here are 9 pointers to help you build a long-lasting and transformative relationship.
1. Concentrate on communication.
That appears to be a simple enough task, doesn’t it? We either communicate insensitively or harshly, or we withdraw and become sullen, expecting our spouse to guess how we feel. Be open and honest, and try to be aware of how the other person perceives your words.
2. Master the art of listening.
If you’re a counselor, do you know what really works? It is learning to listen to others. It’s not the advice you give or any fancy techniques you employ; it’s learning how to truly listen to the other person so that they feel as if you comprehend how they feel at their core.
3. Make time for each other.
Your marriage will stagnate if you don’t spend some time together, even if it’s just a half-hour in the nighttime, going out to lunch on a Saturday, or get up a little earlier together. Time spent together is the fertile ground in which your relationship will grow.
4. Make things more interesting.
Surprise your spouse by doing something unexpected for them. Experiment with small ways to express your gratitude. Don’t let the monotony of everyday life deflate your relationship.
5. Ask questions.
Try to learn something new about your spouse and then use that knowledge to please them in some way.
6. Complement your partner.
Positive reinforcement, psychologists have discovered, is the most effective way to change anyone’s behavior. I’m sure you’re well aware that positive reinforcement emphasizes the behaviors we want to see while ignoring the behaviors we want to see vanish into thin air. The more you compliment your spouse, perhaps by acknowledging and commenting on how helpful they can be in specific ways, the more likely you will see that behavior repeated.
7. Resolve a problem.
Instead of focusing on the issues that have arisen between you, look for solutions that you can both work together. Find a way to strike a balance between what they want and what you want if they ever grumble about your behavior, like going out too much with others and not spending enough time with them. Don’t get stuck in the mindset that problems will never be resolved.
8. Seek assistance.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in our own problems and lose sight of the fact that others have faced and overcome similar challenges. Marriage is something that must be worked on a daily basis and should never be taken for granted. The truth is that other people have faced problems similar to yours and are still happily married.
9. Believing in your marriage will ensure its survival and growth.
Trying to avoid or escape problems ensures that your marriage will not change and will become more of a prison. The options are in front of you.
If your marriage begins to fail, life can become extremely difficult. Anger, frustration, a lack of understanding, and a sense of exhaustion are all common emotions. It’s easy to let a few mistakes ruin a relationship at this point.
It’s possible that you’re having trouble wrapping your head around how you ended up going from being head over heels in love to being on the verge of divorce. There will unquestionably be many questions about your thought at this time. You and your spouse should spend less time together so you can think things through.
That may seem counter-intuitive, but you don’t want to fall into the trap of panicking in order to find quick help for all of your marital problems. This mindset frequently causes more damage than good.
Allowing each other space will give you time for reflection and avoiding making rash decisions. Switching off and focusing on work may be tempting. This can be beneficial in the short term, but you will eventually need to face these problems head-on.
Listening to advice from friends and family can also be beneficial. Be grateful for whatever is given to you and take it into consideration, but do not let affect you too much because you understand your relationship best. Allowing yourself to be helped by different points of view on a difficult situation is all it takes.
During this time, don’t just point the finger at your partner for the state of your marriage; undergo a comprehensive self-analysis and bring into question certain incidents and destructive behavior that you may have been involved with. It’s not necessary to berate yourself indefinitely over this. Recognize that there were times when you were at fault, take note of them, and commit to not acting in the same way in the future.
At this point, you must have an argument-free conversation with your spouse. This is the time to talk about and listen to what has been on your mind, any breakthroughs you’ve made, elements of your relationship you’d like to work on, and so on.
Take your time clearing the air before jumping into an argument; you’re done with that now. Exchange heartfelt apologies and resolve to leave the past behind you.
You should feel accomplished and know what you both have to work on after this discussion. There will be ups and downs on the road to marriage recovery, but the rewards far outweigh the effort.
Is My Marriage Worth Saving Quiz
Instructions: Read each question and choose the answer that best describes your situation. Keep track of your score as you go along. At the end of the quiz, add up your points to determine your results.
How often do you and your spouse engage in open and honest communication?
a) Almost always (3 points)
b) Sometimes (2 points)
c) Rarely (1 point)
How much trust do you have in your spouse?
a) Complete trust (3 points)
b) Partial trust (2 points)
c) Little to no trust (1 point)
How frequently do you and your spouse argue or fight?
a) Rarely (3 points)
b) Occasionally (2 points)
c) Often (1 point)
How willing are you and your spouse to work together to resolve conflicts?
a) Both willing (3 points)
b) One of us is willing (2 points)
c) Neither of us is willing (1 point)
How often do you and your spouse share positive experiences or express love and appreciation for each other?
a) Frequently (3 points)
b) Occasionally (2 points)
c) Rarely (1 point)
Do you feel supported and respected by your spouse?
a) Yes, most of the time (3 points)
b) Sometimes (2 points)
c) Rarely or never (1 point)
How aligned are your values, goals, and priorities with those of your spouse?
a) Very aligned (3 points)
b) Somewhat aligned (2 points)
c) Not aligned (1 point)
How satisfied are you with your emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage?
a) Very satisfied (3 points)
b) Somewhat satisfied (2 points)
c) Unsatisfied (1 point)
Are you and your spouse willing to seek professional help or counseling to improve your marriage?
a) Yes, both of us (3 points)
b) Only one of us (2 points)
c) Neither of us (1 point)
Can you envision a future where you and your spouse are happy and fulfilled in your marriage?
a) Yes, definitely (3 points)
b) Maybe, with some effort (2 points)
c) No, not really (1 point)
Results:
10-16 Points – Struggling Marriage: Your marriage may be experiencing significant challenges that require immediate attention. It’s essential to have open and honest conversations with your spouse about your concerns and consider seeking professional help to determine if the relationship can be saved.
17-24 Points – Room for Improvement: While your marriage may have some difficulties, there is potential for growth and improvement. Open communication and a willingness to address the issues can help determine if your marriage is worth saving. Consider seeking counseling or engaging in self-help resources to support your journey.
25-30 Points – Strong Foundation: Your marriage seems to have a strong foundation, and there is a good chance it is worth saving. Continue to nurture your relationship, maintain open communication, and work together to overcome any challenges that arise.
What If You Still Need Some More Help…
Whatever problem your marriage is experiencing, it did not happen overnight. And, in a short article, I cannot cover all of the nuances of how to save your marriage. But I can give you one thing: hope.
I have witnessed countless couples save their marriages from the most extreme situations, no matter how bad the situation appeared to be. What distinguished these people from those on the verge of destruction? They had hope, & their hope drove them to do everything they could to save their marriage.
If you want to learn more on how to save your marriage and are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, check out “The ABCD System” to begin repairing your marriage right away.
You may also check out the Mend The Marriage ABCD System review here.
Should I Save My Marriage Or Move On? by Theresa Alice