Relationship problems

Your smartphone is almost glued to your hand, but if you want to call someone or WhatsApp for a date, you look like a technophobic.

You have probably kissed someone, or at least watched a movie about how it should happen. But standing in front of someone, while you feel the urge to kiss the other’s lips, it never seems like ‘the right moment’.

A relationship seems to be the toughest thing you have ever started in your life.

Just like everything else, problems arise … but how do you solve them?

I’m going to raise your relationship problems and solve them for you.

Because in this article you get from me:

15 relationship problems that your relationship may have to contend with and how you work them out of the field + the specific solution for each problem
The source of all relationship problems.

Problem 1: The man and the woman are made to get into trouble

Look. It is not strange that men and women differ from each other. And therefore do not always understand each other.

Because if you put a man and a woman next to each other for a game ‘Find the differences’, then almost everything seems to be different in the two.

See for yourself:

And then I can make the list three times as long

Yet it is not so much about knowing the differences …

Where it goes wrong is with the following:

Men treat their girlfriend the way they want to be treated themselves.

For example, if there is something, women start talking to their husbands …

But men are more likely to become still and think about the problem …

She gets frustrated. Why doesn’t he say anything … And that’s how friction arises.

So you have a double challenge:

As a man and a woman, you don’t just want to understand each other’s differences …
You also want to treat your partner the way he or she wants to be treated.

The man is solution-oriented.

The woman wants to be understood.

Problem 2: Have that three-point belt ready, because a relationship is a dangerous ride

Love can become a disease.

You may know the stories:

Two people meet on some vague dating site and start chatting.

Your brain makes you believe at an ever deeper level that the other is ‘the true one’.

Eventually, you can no longer keep it, and you buy a ticket to China, where your date will be waiting for you at the airport, with a large sign with your name on it and hearts beside it.

After 24 hours of flying, take your luggage from the baggage claim and roll your suitcase towards the sliding glass doors, behind which it will hopefully be waiting.

She’s not there.

You fly back with a broken heart and a wallet turned inside out.

This is called “crazy love .”

“God gave the man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.”
– Robin Williams

Mother Nature her way of making us do the craziest things …

To throw all logical objections out of the window, with only one goal:

Babies.

But this haze disappears.

And at the moment you have to be sure that you have locked yourself in the belt with a person you want to be with.

Otherwise, it will be an uncomfortable ride full of relationship problems.

Real love, true love, is a choice.

It is waking up every morning and making the agreement with yourself that you love the other, regardless of the strange situations in which you may find yourself.

This form of love may sound incredibly boring because there is no pink cloud to float on.

But with true love, it is up to you to create this pink cloud.

If you manage to get this cloud out of your own hands, you are working towards a healthy relationship.

Based on true love.

And this kind of relationship is ten times more satisfying than that one shot of falling in love that you are being given by Mother Nature.

Problem 3: Get the black belt together in relative rights

A relationship is just like your muscles.

Without partially destroying them, they cannot grow and become stronger.

That is why regular quarrels, a game of fights and scolding each other every now and then are very healthy.

And this is the next relationship problem.

Never wanting to argue for fear that it will break the relationship…..
Being afraid to raise a problem in the relationship.
Do not eliminate obstacles, but avoid them.
Now there are good manners of fighting and bad manners.

Let’s start with how arguing can cause your wardrobe to be in the front garden the next day:

Pretend the problem is nonsense and verbally knock down your boyfriend.
Criticize your boyfriend.
Respond cold and avoid the discussion.
Shift the blame on you.

Avoid this.

It does not matter who actually owes it.

The point is that you solve the fight together.

Even though the culprit turned out to be your dog who farted.

Now the ways to argue in the right way, so that you may have the best sex of your life in the evening:

Show your anger on the action, not on the person who did it.
Leave old quarrels in their graves.
Sometimes is a good time to take a break and lower all emotions, so that they don’t overshadow the facts.
The point is that the fight is resolved, not that it is made clear who the culprit is.

Problem 4: Use your mobile instead of a coaster if the table is wobbling

Always being connected through smartphones is fun.

A photo of you cooking together on the beach, a photo of you cooking together.

But research shows that constantly having that smart, rectangular vibration box in your hand is bad for your relationship.

It frightens the other when you look on your mobile when the other is talking to you.

Or that when you enjoy your dinner together, turn your phone to see if you have any new messages.

For example, I once left a date lonely on a chair because she had to press the power button on her cell phone every minute to view the latest messages.

Feeling ignored in your relationship puts your relationship on its hole.

So instead of looking at the screen of your cell phone, I advise you to look into the eyes of your partner.

This also has an additional positive effect.

Problem 5: Sometimes the best solution is to simply bury the hatchet

Being right.

The biggest ‘Welles-notes’ fight that you can take on.

And therefore super fun to do in a relationship.

Once the ax is buried, it does not matter who first pulled it out of the armory.

The point is that the ax is buried, that the problem is gone.

And just like with the ax, the problem may not really disappear. But we throw such a pile of earth on top of it that we forget it.

Some problems cannot be solved.

By trying to solve them, you should fight each other, which is not positive for one of the two.

And the biggest loser with that is your relationship.

That is why sometimes the best remedy is to forget the problem and leave it behind.

Tips to bury the hatchet:

When a discussion is over, it’s done. Who is to blame or who was right does not matter.
Do not keep a track record of the past. Even though your boyfriend might have forgotten to clean the bathroom last week, it is not correct to want you to be the winner of this discussion. What was then does not apply now?
The other can then make the biggest fuckup ever. His intention may still have been good. Punish the handling, not the intention.

Problem 6: Stop discussing everything, this solution works much better

Everyone I hear talking about the success of relationships, all say the same thing.

Open communication is the foundation of a relationship.

However, there is another principle that is more important than open communication.

If this is missing, then this is guaranteed to cause problems.

What? The lack of respect for each other.

Because no matter how open you communicate with each other, eventually there will always be problems that cannot be solved by talking.

The only thing left then is to have respect for the other.

Knowing that the intentions of the other, no matter what he or she is doing, are aimed at furthering the relationship.

Without respect, you will always have doubt as to whether the other person has his limbs for the relationship.

This causes your relationship to slowly crumble.

Tips about respect:

A relationship is teamwork. You both have the same playing field to defend the relationship. If one player loses, the entire team loses.
Never gossip about your partner behind his or her back with your family or friends. Only do it when she is there. And if you have a problem, discuss it with YOUR PARTNER.
By talking badly about the other person you slowly lose respect for the other person. By talking to others about it you will not feel better about it, only worse.

No secrets. Everything must be accessible terrain. Does anyone have a crush on another? Discuss it and laugh about it. Do you have a strange sexual fantasy? Give it a try.

Respect that your partner has different interests. The nice thing about a relationship is that it consists of two different people. Learn from each other, rather than discuss who is right.

No respect creates doubt.

In the end, it means that you trust the other. Trust is the lifeline in every relationship.

No confidence, no comfort.

Problem 7: Open your mouth to make the relationship problems disappear immediately

It’s simple:

If you are bothering about something in the relationship you have to say it.

Otherwise it remains an unsolved problem that remains between you.

And the law behind problems: The longer they last, the bigger they become.

The other cannot smell that you do not like something.

This is because there are positive additional effects of pronouncing problems:

Improved trust
Awakens intimacy
And it makes your relationship stronger
No one else can solve the problems for you. Just help you with it.

If someone else presses the heavy dumbbells for you, his arm muscles become stronger. Not yours.

Eventually, you will have to let the words come out of your mouth and make them vibrate towards your boyfriend.

Tips to keep the lines open in your relationship:

Don’t you dare to be honest about your shortcomings with others? DO it with your girlfriend
If something is bothering you, say so.
Know that one person may find something the most normal thing in the world, while for the other it may seem as if some Martians have landed on Rembrandtplein. So do not assume that what you find normal, they also think normal.
Do you make promises? Stick to it!

Problem 8: Fall in love with how the other person is going to fall

It is inevitable. You are going to change. The situation around you is changing. External influences want you to change.

Look.

Maybe think of things like different hair color, hairstyle, favorite music or interest in other hobbies.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about big changes :

Living together / moving
Death of family
(Forced) change of job
Children

A big change that really has an impact.

And relationship problems will arise if you can not fall in love with the person who will become the other person.

If you now enter into a relationship with someone you know who they are NOW. But nobody knows what they will be like in time.

The question here is whether you can admire the other person in any way.

Expect the unexpected.

Only out of respect for each other and ‘allowing’ the other to change can you overcome this problem.

Problem 9: Little bits become huge mountains

Can you remember that when you were still dating, you sometimes gave each other sweet names?

Or that you complimented each other on trifles?

And always wanted to do new, exciting and fun things together?

These little things are crucial to always do.

It may sound like negligible, calling each other “sweet” or “honey“

But small bits make huge mountains.

And prevent a lot of relationship problems.

Being told every day that the other person loves you prevents a whole lot of uncertainty.

Keeping on new dates keeps the relationship exciting.

The latter is very simple to keep.

Schedule one day per time period to do something together.

Problem 10: Check whether you have relationship problems with this simple test

Also called the 4th law of Newton:

No sex = problems

Because if there is no sex between you, something is wrong

Trust is lacking in each other
You no longer feel attracted to each other
You get your needs from somewhere else (I’ll be right)

Besides that sex is the perfect benchmark for your relationship …

… Can sex also heal your relationship?

Stress is created by the daily bustle.

This stress can cause friction between you. Not because you irritate each other, but because of the unfortunate way that stress must be expressed in a way.

Often this is expressed on each other.

But instead of arguing, you can also fight it out in bed.

With this, you score two birds with one stone.

You get rid of your stress and you come closer together again.

Problem 11: A relationship is together, but still alone

A relationship means commitment and making sacrifices.

It is a necessary choice to occasionally agree with the other. Or to do what the other person wants.

Sometimes you have to make each other happy this way.

However, it becomes a problem if you let your happiness depend on the other.

If only she has to be there for you.

However, this is impossible.

Just think about it.

What if he is sick and needs your help.

Are you going to sit on the couch crying because you have no influx of happiness from his side?

You can only make the other person happy and limited for short moments.

You can only create long-term happiness from yourself.

Mistakes that I often see women make when they step into a relationship, which ultimately causes relationship problems:

Do not try to change the other. You fell in love with the person as he was. If you want to change him now, because otherwise, you are not happy, you will get into trouble. The person you fell in love with changed into a person you might not fall in love with.

Do not change yourself either. Continue to practice the sport that you have always practiced. Keep going out with your own friends, without him. Keep pursuing your own goals, even though it sometimes means that you have to push him aside, because he gets in the way (and temporarily pushing him aside is nothing bad).

Problem 12: How separated from each other makes your relationship 10x stronger

Relationship problems arise when you are inseparable.

This sub-communicates various thing.

Yes, you like each other and therefore want to be together.

But it also implies distrust.

For instance:

Always want to know where the other person is because you don’t familiarize him with other women.
Don’t let the other be who they really are.
Being afraid that giving space means that the other person does not love you.
Always wanting to together suggest that you are afraid to give your partner freedom and independence.

Often this is due to the lack of trust in the relationship, or the doubt as to whether the other person still thinks that you love him if you leave him alone for a moment.

At a deeper level, the question you ask yourself is:

“Am I enough for him if I’m not there?”

This makes people more and more claimant.

An attitude that only causes relationship problems.

Avoid this problem by having times when you are not together.

For example, separately on vacation with friends.

A huge positive effect is that you will miss each other (keep chat contact to a minimum)

The desire to see each other becomes more and more over time.

You start fantasizing about your partner again.

When you finally see each other again, this strengthens your relationship tenfold.

Problem 13: Without rules your relationship becomes chaos

You probably think about it sometimes.

An ideal picture of what your relationship looks like:

Fairly divided tasks, you spend the same amount of time on each other, you go after both your biggest hobbies and share the results with each other, one does the tax return, the other the toilet, you exchange whoever is on top and you cook it together around Christmas Christmas dinner.

But in reality, things are slightly different

Stress, miscommunication, odd jobs are forgotten and the casserole for the Christmas dinner is lit.

And I now tell it all in a funny way.

But relationship problems arise if it is not made clear who does what tasks.

A laisser-faire approach in relationships sounds ideal but is even worse for the health of your relationship than coming to the exhaust of a car with your mouth and taking a bite of breath.

So there is nothing left to fall back on what works:

Rules.

Clearly determine who does what and when.

Divide the tasks according to what you enjoy doing.

One person can like to do the dishes, the other likes to use the vacuum cleaner rod as a microphone.

Before you know it, everything is divided and the household runs smoothly.

That way you have more time for each other.

Problem 14: It goes the same way, don’t resist

The fact with relationship problems is that you create them yourself.

We all want the relationship to be the Pacific Ocean, without violent waves.

A relationship without problems and where you constantly love each other.

This is a great starting point to strive for and to do your best for.

But you must also be able to accept that things sometimes get rough.

Just like in an ocean, it cannot just be quiet water.

Sometimes a storm rages and then it is sunshine again.

You just want to float on it like a boat.

Whether the waves are ten meters high or whether you can see nautical miles far.

You just drift along with what is happening.

By going against it, problems arise.

These are the moments when an unexpected wave makes you capsize.

Relationships have highs and lows.

Accept it and you will always end up together again.

If you go against it and force a calm relationship, it can just go wrong.

Problem 15: Oops!

Cheating is a result of problems.

Cheating is often the last cry to the other, that something must change about the relationship before it really breaks apart.

What are the reasons that we cheat?

There are defects in the current relationship.

Often it is a longing for an emotional connection, renewal, freedom, sexual urge, filling up the lack of the past and trying to save the relationship.

Your relationship does not have to be broken after one of you has cheated.

It is just as likely that you know how to solve it and get closer to each other through this slipper.

It has now become clear that something must be done about the relationship.

And if both shares and put their shoulders to the wheel, you can grow towards a stronger relationship.

Cheating is, unfortunately, the reason for the occurrence of some of the relationship problems. Relationship problems do not just arise.

They are often caused by errors at the beginning.

For example, due to incorrect reasons why you entered into a relationship.

And that’s a shame, but with years of coaching, I understand it somewhere.

Some women, for example, settle for the one boyfriend they can get and then hold on to it with both hands.

Because they think they can never find another .

Which is totally not true.

“Good is the enemy of great” – Jim Collins Quote

But at the same time, it is a totally different subject.

What is important for this article …

The wrong reasons to enter into a relationship that causes relationship problems down the road :

Enter into a relationship to complete yourself. However, nothing from outside will ever make you complete.

What makes you complete is the effort and effort that you put in somewhere, to achieve new results every time.

That is why entering into a relationship to make you feel complete is a source of relationship problems.

You put the work to feel happy with the other person. This creates a lot of pressure and stress.

Read more about how you can make that one nice man fall in love with you in the following article:

How to be a Woman Men Adore and Never Want To Leave

How to Make a Relationship Last?