My Husband Treats Me Like I Don’t Matter

Is your husband cold and distant, more involved in his phone or TV than in spending time with you? And you are complaining to your friend, “My husband treats me like I don’t matter…”

And perhaps your husband disrespects you by condemning your parenting or household chores.

It’s infuriating and hurtful in either case. You’re probably wondering if there’s any hope for you to have the relationship you deserve, or if you simply married the wrong man.

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Why Does My Husband Treat Me Like I Don’t Matter?

The feeling of being undervalued or ignored by one’s partner can be incredibly painful and damaging to a relationship. There are several reasons why a husband may treat his wife as if she doesn’t matter. Understanding the underlying causes of this behavior is crucial in addressing the issue and working towards a healthier, more supportive relationship.

Lack of emotional intelligence: Some individuals may lack the necessary emotional intelligence to understand and empathize with their partner’s feelings and needs. They may struggle with expressing their emotions or understanding the importance of validating and supporting their spouse. In such cases, the husband may not even realize that his behavior is causing his wife to feel unimportant.
External stressors: External stressors, such as work, financial problems, or family issues, can also contribute to a husband’s behavior towards his wife. When overwhelmed by stress, people may become irritable, withdrawn, or emotionally unavailable, causing them to be less attentive or considerate of their partner’s feelings.
Poor communication: A lack of open and honest communication in a marriage can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect. If a husband doesn’t clearly express his emotions, thoughts, or needs, his wife may feel as if she doesn’t matter or that her feelings are unimportant to him.
Unresolved personal issues: Unresolved personal issues or past traumas can negatively impact an individual’s behavior in their relationships. A husband who has unresolved emotional baggage may project his insecurities or emotional pain onto his wife, causing her to feel unimportant or unloved.
Unhealthy relationship dynamics: Some couples may fall into unhealthy relationship dynamics, such as codependency or emotional manipulation. In these situations, a husband may use neglect or emotional distance as a means of controlling his wife or maintaining power in the relationship.
Cultural or societal influences: Cultural or societal influences can also play a role in shaping a husband’s behavior towards his wife. Some cultures or societies may place less emphasis on the importance of emotional connection and support within a marriage, leading individuals to prioritize other aspects of their lives over their partner’s needs and feelings.
Taking the relationship for granted: As time passes, some couples may begin to take their relationship for granted, neglecting the need for continued effort and nurturing. A husband who has become complacent in his marriage may not recognize the importance of showing love, appreciation, and support to his wife, causing her to feel unimportant.

My Husband Treats Me Like I Don’t Matter – What To Do Now?

Here are four love-inspiring tips to help you get your husband’s attention and save your marriage.

Step 1: Acquire the Appropriate Communication Tools

When you’re hurt, it’s easy to say things like, “You treat me like I don’t exist!” or “You never call because you don’t care about me!” or “You don’t even try to change!”

You’re simply stating the facts and doing your best to address your needs and feelings. How else can you wake him up when all else fails? It’s just that this constructive criticism can be downright critical at times.

If you’ve tried this approach before, you’ll know that it doesn’t get you very far in reestablishing the desired connection. On the contrary, it is disrespectful to criticize him.

For men, respect is like oxygen, so criticizing, controlling, dismissing, or demeaning him is a guaranteed way to suck the oxygen out of your relationship. (And, in the process, kill your sex life, because the most powerful act of love for male is respect!)

Conventional wisdom suggests using “I” statements such as “I get anxious when I don’t hear from you” or “I would very much appreciate it if you can somehow spend 2 hours with the kids every night after work so that I can have some time to myself” or “I feel sad when we don’t communicate.”

Is that, however, a better option? Using the words “you” and “we” is crossing over to his sides of the road. Even if you are successful to prevent expressing the implicit criticism You’re not conversing with me, and loitering on his sides of the road puts you in command, and that’s another type of disrespect.

What do you do when you realize how sneaky disrespect is?

If you’re missing his affection, time and attention try saying these three magic phrases: “I miss you.”

Step 2: Claim Your Power

Your man’s flaws, role in the failure of your marriage, and also the changes he requires are most likely crystal clear.

It’s deeply annoying and disheartening when you try to persuade him to change and he simply refuses. It’s also not very empowering.

This is due to the fact that you can only change yourself. You become the victim because you have no power over him making any changes.

You, on the other hand, are not a victim.

In fact, you have complete control. You, as a woman, are the relationship’s keeper.

You have the ability to alter the culture of your marriage without his complete awareness or effort.

It takes guts to allow change to begin within you. It entails examining your role in the areas where he is falling short, even if they appear to be entirely his fault.

If you feel disrespected, how do you show respect? Is it difficult for you to express your gratitude when you’re feeling underappreciated?

What, on the other hand, does your husband see if he looks into his wife’s mirror? He will stop looking if he sees a painful self-image reflected back to him in your eyes. When he no longer receives the positive reflection he once received from you, he begins to look elsewhere for the same positive reflection he once received from you when you saw the best in him.

Consider starting a smile campaign. Light up when he steps into the room. Instead of the standard “How was your day?” or “What would you like for dinner?” (“you” questions on his side of the road), how about telling him how glad you’re to see him?

He’ll most likely want to spend much more time with that kind of gleaming wife mirror!

And he’ll want to share even more with you. Haven’t you always wished for him to be more open with you? The more you simply listen without interrupting or advising him, the more he will want to.

Step 3: Concentrate on the Right Things

Yes, yes, yes. It’s difficult to light up when you’re exhausted or overwhelmed from working, chauffeuring kids around, preparing dinner, getting rid of the dirty dishes, and stressing about your marriage.

You might think I’m requesting that you become a Stepford Wife.

In no way, shape, or form is this true. I challenge you to be 100% real.

To honor yourself, consider the following two questions: What do you want and how do you feel?

The answer could be as simple as “I’m tired.” I’d like to take a nap.”

But it’s amazing how quickly things can improve after a thirty-minute nap. After some much-needed “Me Time,” everything may appear to be back to normal. Your husband is no longer as annoying. Perhaps he even cleaned up while you were gone.

Personal care is magical, such as pixie dust, and it’s an absolutely necessary prelude to romantic relationships.

What would you be doing if you had more time on your hands? What had you been doing for fun back when you first caught his attention?

The wackier, the better. Instead of doing the dishes, start taking a cooking class, put your feet up and read, or go on a wine-tasting day tour with your friends.

Even if you feel guilty, go ahead and do it!

Do this for your relationship if not for yourself. Trying to fill your self-care tank boosts your magnetism and transforms you into an appealing Goddess of Joy and Light.

And there’s no better way to reignite the flame.

Step 4: Switch the Gender Contrast

Here’s another piece of conventional “wisdom” to ignore: date night!

Is it really romantic to add that to the list of chores, right next to scrubbing the toilets & cleaning the garage?

If you really want to rekindle the romance, try increasing the gender contrast rather. Becoming more receptive is one way to boost your femininity (& masculinity). It may be tempting to say, “Now how about wiping the counters?” if he does the dishes. (like I used to).

Instead, receive with grace. Even if he did load the dishwasher incorrectly. Even if he only did a few.

Do you want to know the secret phrase for receiving?

“I appreciate it.” That’s all!

Once you place more emphasis on receiving, all kinds of things begin to come your way, to the point where you may feel guilty about receiving them all. If your hubby already has taken care of the kids’ bath and sleep time, offers you a massage while looking at the tv screen with you, and then wants to offer to wake up early so you can sleep in, it may be too much to bear.

In any case, I encourage you to receive it graciously. He would like to do even more to make you smile if he sees you being so pleasurable. As you freely express your gratitude, he will express his appreciation for you.

Here’s to being able to influence the culture of your marriage! How will you put it to use?

What To Do When Your Husband Says He Doesn’t Like You?

When your husband says he doesn’t like you, it can be a heartbreaking and challenging experience.

It’s essential to approach the situation calmly and constructively to understand the reasons behind his statement and determine the best course of action for your relationship.

Here are a few steps to consider:

Reflect on his words: Take some time to reflect on your husband’s words and try to understand if he is expressing a temporary feeling of frustration or if it’s a deeper, long-standing issue. It’s crucial to identify if there are specific behaviors or circumstances that have led to this sentiment.
Stay calm and composed: While it’s natural to feel hurt and upset, it’s vital to remain calm and composed when addressing the issue with your husband. Reacting emotionally may escalate the situation and make it difficult to have a constructive conversation.
Communicate openly: Initiate an open and honest conversation with your husband. Ask him to clarify his feelings and share the reasons behind his statement. Listen attentively and empathetically to his perspective, and express your feelings and concerns as well.
Evaluate the relationship: Assess the overall state of your marriage, considering both the positive aspects and areas that need improvement. Determine if both you and your husband are willing to put in the necessary effort to work through your issues and build a stronger, more loving relationship.
Seek professional help: If you’re struggling to navigate the situation on your own, consider seeking professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can provide guidance, support, and tools for improving communication, understanding each other’s needs, and addressing underlying issues.
Self-care and support: During this difficult time, prioritize self-care and lean on your support system of friends and family. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a sense of self-worth and confidence.

Addressing these issues will take time, effort, and commitment from both you and your husband. Keep communication channels open and be patient as you work together towards a healthier, happier marriage.

What You Can Do Now…

Whatever problem your marriage is experiencing, it did not happen overnight. And, in a short article, I cannot cover all of the nuances of how to save your marriage. But I can give you one thing: hope.

I have witnessed countless couples save their marriages from the most extreme situations, no matter how bad the situation appeared to be. What distinguished these people from those on the verge of destruction? They had hope, & their hope drove them to do everything they could to save their marriage.

If you want to learn more about how to save your marriage and are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, check out “The ABCD System” to begin repairing your marriage right away.

You may also check out the Mend The Marriage ABCD System review here.

My Husband Treats Me Like I Don’t Matter by Theresa Alice