7 Real Secrets to Make Your Relationship Last Forever

We spend so much time trying to make a man fall in love with us. But what good is it if we can't keep it in the long run? Once your relationship has taken off, it is just as important, if not more important, to nurture it.

Now, let's discuss 7 little secrets for making your relationship last...

Secret No. 1: Don't Rely on Physical Attraction

I put this first because it's the most fundamental secret we need to know, and it comes into play even before the relationship begins – and yet, far too many of us still make the mistake of judging men based on their appearance. I knew it was something I used to do, especially after a few martinis:)

It's easy to fall in love with attractive men, and many of us make the mistake of attempting to FORCE the relationship to happen. And it's amazing how far we'll go to make him love us – but with little or no success.

It works both ways; many of us spend a lot of time trying to impress the men we meet. And, to some extent, it works: the right makeup, outfit, and hairstyle can result in more men asking for your number.

Do you remember Britney Spears? She was the darling of men all over the world when she first came out. Everyone adored her.

Don't be swayed by physical attraction. It's sufficient to get things started, but it's NEVER sufficient to get him to the altar!

Secret #2: Follow the Emotional/Intellectual Cues.

THIS IS THE KIND OF ATTRACTION YOU SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR.

This is the type of attraction that is more than just physical. It can be either intellectual or emotional in nature.

When you are attracted to the way a man thinks, you are experiencing intellectual attraction. It usually goes something like this: you've known a guy for a while,

But you've never been drawn to his average height, average appearance, and average career.

But, once you've sat down with him one-on-one and discovered how INTERESTING and WONDERFUL he truly is in person, you'll feel an instant attraction to him.

That's intellectual attraction at work, and it's one of the two keys to a long-lasting relationship!

The second important factor in a relationship is EMOTIONAL attraction. To put it simply, emotional attraction is simply FALLING IN LOVE.

You can "fall in love" with a guy's appearance. But, once again, that is only PHYSICAL. That is only EXTERNAL. And falling in love with a guy's looks isn't really "love"; it's just infatuation.

And if that's all there is, it never lasts.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you do not DECIDE to fall in love. You don't make the decision to fall in love. It just happens that way. And you KNOW it when it happens. You have a gut feeling about it, and no one can take it away from you.

If you're emotionally and intellectually drawn to a man, and he feels the same way about you, then congratulations! You can take the first step toward establishing a long-lasting relationship!

Secret #3 - Get to Know Him

When it comes to divorces and separations, I can think of five major reasons. And I'll devote Secrets #3 through #7 to discussing them one by one.

The first of these is MISCONCEPTIONS.

Men are said to be from Mars, and women are from Venus.

Isn't that correct? There are some things that men do that we don't understand.

That's why, when their men irritate them, some women simply throw up their hands and yell, "I give up!"

Friends, you can't say "I give up" and expect the relationship to be fine.

When you stop attempting to understand how a man's mind works, you open the door to problems, arguments, misunderstandings, and, yes, misconceptions.

Here's a common misconception: if he's quiet, something must be seriously wrong.

It's natural to believe this because when WE go silent, it's usually because he did something we didn't like. (I'm referring to the "silent treatment," which, by the way, works incredibly well!)

However, this is a HUGE misconception. While we go silent to express our displeasure with something he did, HE goes silent for entirely different reasons.

He might be preoccupied with his work. He could be considering new ways to pay his bills. He could be planning his future, possibly with you!

Whatever it is, he is NOT upset with you, so don't get defensive and go silent on him as well!

You can't "figure him out" after a few months or years, friends.

You'll be "figuring him out" for decades – or as long as you want your relationship to last!

Secret #4 - Learn To Speak His Language

I emphasized the importance of understanding how a man's mind works in Secret #3.

In Secret #4, I'll go a step further and emphasize the importance of communication based on how a man's mind functions.

I can't emphasize this enough: communication is crucial in any relationship. Too many relationships fail due to simple miscommunication.

You'll need to be aware of two aspects of communication:

(1) There is time. It is critical to set aside some time, preferably twice a week, to sit down and talk with one another. It's the relationship's "lubricant," and it keeps things running smoothly.

(2) Comprehension. Before you can hope to understand a man, you must first understand how his mind works. And the more you understand how he thinks, the better you'll understand how he behaves.

(Plus, the more you understand how he behaves, the fewer arguments and misunderstandings there will be to jeopardize the relationship!)

It's critical to understand how he thinks about things. The more you understand him and communicate with him on his level, the fewer problems you'll have to deal with throughout the relationship!

Secret #5 - "Give"

Oh, and here's another issue that afflicts TOO MANY relationships these days...

Too many people enter marriages half-heartedly, believing that relationships are built on compromise. We have a tendency to believe that in order to make a relationship work, we must find a happy medium and stick to it for the rest of our lives.

Sorry, but I think there's a better way to make a relationship last forever...

"Finding and sticking to a middle ground" is not something I believe in. That concept is firmly based on the concept of "give and take," in which you or your boyfriend/husband must sacrifice something in order to obtain something in the relationship.

Unfortunately, this is where the majority of divorces begin.

One or both partners eventually grow tired of sacrificing so much and receiving so little in return. Arguments begin to surface, and the relationship begins to deteriorate as neither party is willing to compromise any longer.

My advice is to never enter into a relationship half-heartedly.

Consider the relationship to be a long-term investment rather than a risk. And be prepared to "give and give" rather than "take and take."

Keep in mind that a relationship is not a business transaction. Each party should have a genuine desire to make the other happy. When you truly love one another, "giving" should feel good. Nobody should be keeping track of how much or how little you're getting. Don't get caught in that trap...

Secret #6: Consider the Big Picture

Asking a man about his future plans is a good way to determine whether he is ready for a serious relationship.

I've studied men and relationships long enough to know that men who plan for the future and set goals for themselves are the ones who can make a relationship work.

The majority of the men we meet out there "live in the moment." They don't believe in delayed gratification and live by the motto "enjoy life now, think later."

Sorry, but that's not going to cut it in love and relationships.

However, as with most rules in a relationship, this rule applies in both directions.

Do YOU consider the future? Do YOU SET YOUR OWN GOALS? Do YOU go out of your way, even if it means foregoing instant gratification, to ensure that your goals are met?

If you don't think about the future and don't consider the big picture, believe me when I say you're better off not getting into a serious relationship right now.

You simply aren't prepared!

It's as simple as this: you and your partner MUST BE COMPLETELY READY TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP LAST FOREVER BEFORE YOU TAKE THE MARRIAGE STEP.

Don't expect to "wing it" as you go along. It's not going to work. (And even if it does, you'll be miserable thinking about how much better your life would have been if you had waited for someone who was better and more prepared.)

Do you want to know what I think? If either of you isn't prepared to handle a relationship, you shouldn't be in one in the first place. You have no right to break anyone's heart.

It's that easy!

Secret #7: Don't Expect Marriage to Solve Your Problems.

Another factor that contributes to divorces and separations around the world is the belief that marriage will solve all of your problems.

Too many of us believe that getting married and "sealing the deal" will make everything better between us and our boyfriends.

Big blunder!

Marriage will never, ever solve your problems.

Marriage, in and of itself, does not repair a relationship. It only MAGNIFIES what already exists.

So, if your relationship has issues, marriage will MAGNIFY those issues. If your relationship is sporadic, your marriage will be even more so.

However, if your relationship is harmonious, marriage will MAGNIFY that harmony. If it's enjoyable and fun, your marriage will be even more so. You get the picture!

That is why it is critical to master the fundamentals before entering into a more serious relationship. You must devote sufficient time to building the foundation of your relationship – LOVE – and ensuring that it is strong enough to support a relationship for decades.